


He did not break

by zoeteniets



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Over use of the word 'strong', POV Robert Sugden, Robert whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-21
Updated: 2016-10-21
Packaged: 2018-08-23 18:46:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8338678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zoeteniets/pseuds/zoeteniets
Summary: Robert will always be strong for Aaron. Until he can't be.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired by a number of posts on Tumblr about how people want to see Robert have an opportunity to have a breakdown in hospital waiting for news of Aaron. I wholeheartedly agree with this (and not just because I think Ryan Hawley is pretty when he cries)! Here is my take on the situation.

He did not break as he looked through the glass of the hospital room. He was even surprised at his desire not to, at his desire to stay strong for Aaron. Why should he, when Aaron had done everything to push him away? But peering around the blinds, looking at the body of the man he had once loved hooked up to all manner of wires and machines he felt a swelling in his chest, and the setting of steal in his bones. Aaron had clearly had enough of being strong and somehow Robert knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that he had to step up and be strong instead. And this time when Aaron pushed him away he would stand firm, stand tall, ready for Aaron to lean on.

He did not break as he leaned against the wall in the house that wasn’t his. He remained strong as he felt the earth move beneath him, moved by the sound of Aaron’s voice confessing what his father had done to him. Rob had heard clichés before about ‘earth shattering’ confessions, and now he truly understood what that meant. When Aaron looked at him, eyes big and round and shining, Robert saw him clearly standing on the edge of a precipice. And Robert knew with a feeling that started at his feet and ended at the tips of his hair that he would do all that he could to hold Aaron on firm ground.

He did not break as he stood in the dock. If anything, he’d never felt more strong. To be able to speak truthfully, honestly, and openly about all the things he loved about Aaron, in a setting where Aaron would have no choice but to listen to and accept the words, gave him such a feeling of freedom. If he shook it wasn’t from fear, it wasn’t from stress. It was from the knowledge that if anyone hurt Aaron he would come for them with bloody vengeance. He’d always known that Aaron would fight to do what was right, and while it would be easy to say that Rob had learnt that he would do that too, it wouldn’t quite be true. He’d fight for Aaron. He’d fight for Aaron and be there to hold him together when the world threatened to shake him apart.

He did not break when they sat in black and waited for the curtains to close with a dramatic flourish on a scene that should never have been set in the first place. The strength poured out of him so much he almost felt it pushing against Aaron, as strong as silk, as gentle as a touch with the very tips of his fingers. And as he felt Liv falter, he leant her his strength too. That strength enabled him to tell her about his father without a fraction of faltering. Later, he was even a little shocked at himself; he’d never thought he could be so calm talking about something that had hurt him so acutely. But holding his arms around Aaron, and now Liv too, had stretched his muscles and strengthened him as if he’d been lifting weights. Being strong for them had made him stronger for himself.

And the memory of this means that he did not break when he spoke the truth to Aaron much later in the forest. Some cracks in his armour appeared but he didn’t feel week or vulnerable. With tears in his eyes he still felt like he could fight the world for Aaron and their life together. He figured telling Aaron about the whole sorry business was an act of strength in and of itself. It was not the breaking down of a wall but the laying of a solid foundation on which to build their marriage. If only he had remembered the ring…

He did not break when he woke up under water. Though he’ll admit to a second’s worth of blind panic when Aaron did not respond at first. The calculation was fast. He’d read about how to escape a sinking car before. A morbid impulse at 2 am had led to a session of googleing that he’d largely forgotten about. And though the impulse to panic snaked around his spine the second Aaron woke he knew with the utmost clarity that they would be getting out of there alive.  

Which is why he did not break as they discovered that Aaron was trapped. And he did not break when Aaron told him to go and save himself.

He did not break as Aaron lost consciousness underwater. He could not break when Aaron still needed him to be strong. And strong he was as he gave his last breath to the man he loves. Strong as he pulled him free. Strong as he brought him to the shore. And still stronger as he let him go to go back and save both their consciences.

He did not break as his sister drove him to the hospital, to worried and too stressed to do anything but try to feel Aaron’s heartbeat across the stretch of road that separated them. He did not break as a nurse gave him a once over, showing no signs of weakness that could be interpreted as injury.

He did not break when Liv rushed to him. He stood firm as she nearly knocked him off his feet. In the waiting room, with the others, it would have been so easy to let go of it all. But Adam was barely holding it together, already so worn out from the events of the weeks before. And he was always going to be strong for Vic because that’s what big brothers do, isn’t it? He learnt that lesson long ago with the death of their mother.

He did not break. Not even when Chas wound her arms around him and pulled his head to her shoulder.

He did not break.

Until he did.

Until the moment when the doctors asked for family only and Liv said “he’s family” without even second’s hesitation. Until the moment the doctors took them all through the long list of injuries that Aaron had sustained and the various procedures that he needed to fix them. Until the moment that they advised that only one of them could visit him, quickly, before surgery. Until Victoria blurted out “Rob should go.”

“What’s your relationship to the patient?” said a nurse with a clipboard.

“He’s my son’s boyfriend” said Chas.

And that was the proverbial straw. Because the next thing he knew was he was flying apart. It was as if every moment since he’d warned Vic that everything was about to change had happened all at once. He could taste every single kiss on his lips, every touch on his body, and a phantom of water rising in his lungs. Boyfriend? No, that's not right. Such an insignificant word for all the things Aaron is to him. 

He made it to Aaron’s bedside gulping for air. Looked down at the man who ought to be his husband, pale and bloodied and looking more fragile than anything he has ever seen. A scream rose in his throat, in his mouth before he can even think to fight it down. And he could no longer hold back the tears. Nor the shaking. 

He laced his fingers gently through those of his love’s, fell to his knees, and cried. And cried. And cried.

**Author's Note:**

> Remember how I said that I don't often get the impulse to write? Turns out I'm a lying liar who lies. You can find me on tumblr to scream headcannons at as iwillsendapostcard. 
> 
> (Also, I need a beta for a historical AU that I want to turn into a longer fic. If anyone is interested drop me a line on tumblr!)


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